Category Archives: Talking about ED

Main Symptoms Diagnosing Impotence

Important facts you should know about erectile dysfunction

Impotence is a pathological condition, which is based on a dysfunction of the physiological ability of the penis to go into the state of erection (sexual excitement) or maintain it for a time which is sufficient for sexual intercourse (coitus). The most modern and correct name for this condition from a medical point of view is erectile dysfunction (ED). If we decipher both of these medical terms in a nutshell, understandable to an ordinary person, without additional in-depth searches for information, we can call them as sexual frustration.

But different people understand erectile dysfunction differently. It may have so different a justification that it caused specialists to standardize some criteria for identifying the true problem. It is necessary to understand that the limits of the norm and pathology are very subtle and can radically differ in the understanding of many men. Some consider their state as a sexual impotence, and others can compare such a state with the top of sexual health.

The main symptoms that arise concern include:

  • Decrease or absence of erectile ability. This means that men who suffer from impotence are not able to bring the penis into a tension state, despite a strong desire;
  • Incomplete erection: the penis grows in size but is unable to achieve the consistency necessary for sexual intercourse;
  • Failure to maintain an erection during the time necessary for the normal duration of intercourse, especially in the case of unattainable ejaculation;
  • Premature ejaculation, which occurs in mature men who have a great sexual experience;
  • Lack of morning or night involuntary erection;
  • Decrease or total absence of libido (sexual desire) and associated sexual frustration.

To diagnose erectile dysfunction, one of these symptoms is sufficient.

Causes of impotence

Impotence refers to those conditions that can be a separate disease or one of many symptoms of various pathological conditions. The reasons for its occurrence are more than enough. They can affect any of the levels and mechanisms of bringing the penis into a state of persistent erection. Considering that this is a very thin and complex system, it is often exposed to negative influences. These include:

  1. Psychological impotence;
  2. Physical overexertion;
  3. Diseases of the endocrine system;
  4. Neurological disorders;
  5. Diabetes, obesity and exhaustion;
  6. Vascular system damage;
  7. Cardiac pathology and hypertension;
  8. Severe liver damage with the development of liver failure;
  9. Intoxication and bad habits (alcohol abuse, tobacco smoking, drug addiction);
  10. Diseases and traumas of male genital organs;
  11. Drug impotence;
  12. Non-observance of the culture of natural sex and abuse of its substitutes.

Nowadays, ED is regarded as treatable at any age and, as this has become better known, more men have had treatment and returned to normal sexual life.

How to start the conversation?

Words are those friendly little sounds we make when we know exactly what we want to say and there is no stress involved. But starting to talk about sexual problems without your partner is a whole new ball game of pressure. How do you break the ice? Well, there are no hard and fast rules. You have known her for some time now. You have to trust yourself and her to keep talking once you take the first step. These are some of the ways in which you could start a discussion:

“I’ve been wondering whether any of the diet supplements I’m taking are the cause of the difficulties I’ve been having in the bedroom.”

“Sex was very important to us when we started our relationship. Now, our sex life seems to be changing and not for the better. Is this a good time to talk about it?”

“I’ve been reading up on ED. Apparently, it can be a warning sign of other health problems. I think it’s time to go and ask our doctor about it.”

The hard work of starting a conversation does not have to be left all to the men. Partners can be the ones to make the first move. Here are some of the ways partners might open up the issue for discussion:

“I love you and I know you love me, but you’ve started avoiding having sex. It’s starting to worry me. Can we talk about it?”

“I’ve noticed we haven’t been making love. Do you think there might be a medical explanation? Perhaps we should make an appointment to see our doctor.”

“I know there’ve been some problems in the bedroom and I’m sorry if I’ve been neglecting you. Can we talk about this? Maybe a doctor can offer some advice.”

“You know those ads that keep coming through our e-mail? I know the spam is annoying but perhaps we should find out more.”

How to start?

You have to make up your mind to start talking to and with your partner. The longer you stay silent, the more difficult you will find it to break that silence. You will start feeling embarrassed, then grow guilty that you cannot start talking. The guilt turns into anger and, when you are angry, you do not talk with anyone. Someone walks out, slamming the door behind them and that is the end of your relationship.

Well, that is the worst case scenario and it should not frighten you into doing anything dramatic. In fact, it is far better if you stay very calm and make a few gentle noises to signal your decision to talk. Remember that the words are the first step back into the bedroom with full sexual activity restored. You get there by valuing your partner and the contribution she can make to helping you through these difficulties. You are showing her that you still love and trust her. She is going to feel that she is still a part of the relationship and not a mere spectator to your silent struggles. This will slow her alienation and restore mutual confidence.

What about the other possibility — the one you perhaps fear. That your partner is going to ask the question herself. Well, you need to stay calm. There may be a temptation to push her away, to be defensive. But that is going to be almost the last nail in the coffin of your relationship. As your partner, she has the right to ask. Instead of anger, you should be grateful that she has shown she still wants to help you. You might have given up on yourself, but she is there for you and her help may be the key to restoring normal sexual activity sooner rather than later. Be honest with her. This is the first step to reducing the anxiety that you feel. If you suspect the cause, tell her. If you do not know, you should both go visit your local doctor. Your relationship is going to benefit is you begin the search for a cure together, committing yourself to working through to restore normal sexual activity.

A word to the partners of those experiencing impotence

Performance anxiety is bad enough, but add in the guilt and fear that he is going to lose you and the mix is getting bad. Put another way, he is feeling pretty much the same way as you. You were a team when the relationship started. You worked on projects together, got things done. When did that stop? It was most likely when the sexual problems began. That was when he went silent on you, stopped including you as a part of the solution to those problems. And what is the result likely to be? Unless things change, your relationship is going to wither and die.

You should not stay passive. This risks the situation drifting slowly from bad to worse. You need to start dealing with the situation. There is, of course, no “right” way to do this. You know your partner. You above all others should understand how best to begin the discussion. Reading the information on this site is a good way of getting an insight into how he feels and what the causes of the problem might be. Some of those are pretty scary. But most of them are treatable if you can get him to a doctor. All this emphasises how complicated impotence is. It would be so convenient if we could separate physical from emotional problems. But life is never so convenient.

Because he is staying silent, this is pushing you into taking the initiative. You are the one who has to engage your partner in the search for a cure. How you break through this defensive wall depends on how strong you think the relationship is. However you decide to start, it is most important that you do not accuse him or seem to threaten him in any way. He is already worried and anxious about his failings in the bedroom. If you are confrontational, this could be taken as a declaration of war. So you have to work out the best approach. Think about how he reacts in different situations and how you can raise this issue with alarming him. It would be good to have a fairly detailed plan. How are you going to help him handle all the stress? What steps can you take to convince him to trust you? Whatever you come up with should turn his negative feelings about himself into positive feelings about the two of you.

Although there is no need to give you any further incentive, there is the possibility that his impotence is a symptom of far more serious medical problems. If he is only thinking about his current sexual inadequacy, he may ignore the underlying cause and not get early treatment.

There are many different ways in which to treat cancer and other dangerous illnesses and diseases but there is one truth. The earlier you intervene, the better the chances of a complete recovery. So many families face pain and loss because a diagnosis was delayed and treatment was almost, or actually, too late.

It is true that mentioning possible underlying causes may add to his worries, but there can be no half measures when his health is at stake. Be straightforward about the risks of not talking to a doctor. You can never actually separate the physical condition from the emotional context. Whatever you say can be misunderstood and anger him. But if you still love him, despite the sexual problems, and you do not want to face losing him to a disease, you have to speak. Even though he may fight you, sooner or later he will understand the need to get professional advice.

In the end, there is the possibility that the news from the doctor will not be good. If that does happen, you will actually have saved your relationship in a different way. While you are both living through the difficult days of treatment, you avoid feelings of guilt. You took action. You gave him the best chance of survival. Imagine the alternative. That you did nothing and then had to watch him struggle because his problems went undiagnosed. By giving yourself the chance to work through this together, you have created the best foundation for a relationship.

Of course, the worst may just be a bad dream. Let us stay positive. Focus on quick steps to restore good health. In most cases, the answer is a prescription for Levitra anyway. Think of ways to encourage him. Of course, this is an emotional minefield for both of you. A great deal of patience is going to be required — that assumes his first response is likely to be defensive. Do not be deterred. He is worth fighting for. You are going to do whatever it takes to manoeuvre him towards a visit with your family doctor. There is going to be a diagnosis. You will both be reassured and can begin to restore your mutual confidence in sexual activity. If there are more serious problems of blood circulation or nerve damage, treatment can begin. If the cause is more psychological than physical, you may both have to go for counselling, but at least you will be talking again.

Talking to your partner

You are almost certainly in a reasonably stable relationship. For these purposes, it does not matter whether you are married. If you have begun to find sex a problem, this will also have affected other parts of your life. Your relationship stopped being just about what happens in the bedroom after the first few months. It was very important. Perhaps it should still be. As it stands, your stress levels may be building up. Your self-esteem and self-confidence are in decline. This all makes you difficult to live with.

Most of the men’s magazines offer the easy advice that you should open up and start talking about it. You could ask a “professional” (a doctor or therapist, of course), but the most important person to talk to is your partner. Unfortunately, the magazines are right. You may not like the idea of talking about your sexual performance with anyone else. It is humiliating to have to admit you are not quite the man everyone thought you were. But the problems are not going to go away if you ignore them. In fact, your partner has already noticed your difficulty and your relationship is going to come under real pressure if you do not discuss it with her.

You must recognise that Levitra is not the answer on its own. You could buy Levitra online but, even if it restores you to full power, that success is not going to answer the questions she has (and you ought to have) about why it happened in the first place, whether it means something else is seriously wrong with you, and why you will not talk about it. The longer this silence goes on, the more likely she is to feel left out of the loop and that is ultimately going to be destructive.

It is in everyone’s interest that you begin to explore your own feelings for her. If you re-affirm your commitment to her as your partner, as the person you turn to when you are in trouble, then she will become a part of the solution. You can rebuild the trust. The relationship will grow strong again. Whether you take this step is a judgement call. For all your faults, does she still love you? Will she react sympathetically when you do start talking? Assuming the answer to these questions is “yes”, then you have to put your fear to one side.

The statistics suggest that about 1 in 10 men experience some degree of sexual dysfunction at some point of their lives. You are not unique. Impotence in general and erectile dysfunction in particular are medical conditions. Modern technology has come up with some good treatments. But all that doctors can do is to treat the body with highly effective drugs like Levitra. Only you can cure the relationship of its ills.

What are the causes of ED?

In purely psychological terms, erectile dysfunction (ED) can arise from a number of different causes.

It may be a self-induced state brought on by anxiety. As that anxiety turns into fear that you will not be able to perform, so ED becomes the expected outcome. Similarly, when you are having problems in your long-term relationship, your desire to have sex with your partner may diminish. As you form the habit not to have sex with her, you may also be teaching your body how not to have sex with any woman. This can lead to a general loss of sexual appetite. Libido is very much a matter of mood. If the emotional connection is not made between pleasure and sex, you will tend to lose interest in sex. In more serious depressive illnesses and schizophrenia, ED is quite common. The precise reasons for this are not properly understood but the speculation is that the body does not produce enough nitrous oxide to begin the cycle of an erection.

The following are the most common physical causes:

  • Any disease of the brain, spinal cord or nervous system, whether peripheral or those nerves specific to the sexual function, can produce ED. Thus, damage can result from Diabetes, renal failure, vitamin deficiency and toxic events resulting from chronic alcohol and other recreational drug abuse. These and other conditions result in a loss of the relevant neurotransmitters. About half the men with chronic Diabetes Mellitus suffer ED. Over time, the disease degrades the performance of both the neural and vascular elements in producing an erection. This means that drug therapy is unlikely to have any effect.
  • When men have well-established illness and diseases affecting breathing or heart action, it is common to find anxiety and depression surrounding sexual activity. Because of the fear of aggravating the physical condition, ED becomes a learned habit.
  • Arterial diseases may affect the flow of blood into the penis. In some cases, surgery can restore sexual function. But surgery is not helpful to repair damage resulting from ageing, arteriosclerosis and Diabetes. If the levels of cholesterol are too high, it can build up on the walls of the arteries, restricting the passage of blood and causing erectile problems.
  • More direct causes may be a response to traumatic injury or radical surgery affecting the neural pathway.
  • Disturbance to the hormonal balance in the body may also affect libido. Tumors can produce a reduction in the size and activity of the gonads. Similarly, both under and overactive thyroid function may affect sex drive.
  • There are a number of specific conditions affecting both the corpus cavernosum itself (the part of the penis designed to absorb the inflow of blood to produce the erection) and the more general chemistry, musculature and blood vessel system of the penis.
  • Many drugs are known to play a part in producing ED. The most commonly prescribed are classes of drugs for antipsychosis and antidepression. In more everyday contexts, large quantities of alcohol can have a sedative effect and, over time, this can cause a reduction in the size of the gonads. Cigarette smoke also acts as a vasoconstrictor and this may affect the operation of the penis.
  • Many “healthy” men find that there is a gradual decline in sexual function through ageing. The response between stimulation and erection slows, erections become less firm and the volume of semen ejaculated decreases. The required recovery time between sexual intercourse also lengthens. This can lead to some performance anxiety and loss of satisfaction. A similar problem occurs when a man puts on excessive weight or has insomnia.